Reply to Become a step-parent or end the relationship

Forum Index » Parenting -- Special Concerns

Reply to "Become a step-parent or end the relationship"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote]In my view, the issue isn't whether the daughter was acting appropriately or inappropriately. If the boyfriend expects OP to have no part at all in raising a child that will be living in their house, it isn't going to work. On the other hand, if OP is going to insist on criticizing and intervening in every interaction between the father and daughter, that isn't going to work either. You guys need to either agree on a happy medium, or move on from one another.[/quote]

I agree with this. I certainly feel that DH is pretty lax about a lot of things concerning his child and his mode of parenting, but it is not my place to intervene or take over. When I have a concern about his parenting, or feel that there could be a better way of handling things, I speak to DH about it in private and ask him to make the first step in that direction or support me doing so (like, doing chores). He often agrees with me but if he doesn't, i don't pursue it or frankly, expend a huge amount of emotional energy on it. my relationship with DSC is respectful, in part because I don't have a dog in this fight. My primary concern is for family harmony. That means a good relationship first and foremost between DSC and DH, and DSC feeling supported in both homes.

Being a steparent is really challenging at times, and not everyone is cut out for it. It canbe very unrewarding, so if you're looking for a pat on the back you will not get it, and if you're looking for automatic respect and love from DSC, you'll also not get it. You have to work at it and also accept that the relationship has its own contours and limitations. If it is not for you, there is no shame in it, but do not drag out the relationship or blame the child or your boyfriend. Just accept that its not the right fit. In my case, my mantra is that DSC has a mom, I do not need to be DSC's mom, I need to be a supportive presence, encouraging good interaction and positive behavior, but I choose not to take on the primary disciplinary role. This does not mean I do not ask DCS to clean up their room, etc, but the big stuff has to come from DH and from mom, not me. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics