Reply to Anyone in a marriage with an emotionally unavailable man?

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[quote=Anonymous]I wish I could offer you real advice, or even support, but I don't know that it would be fair. I can, however, offer you a different point of view: his. I'm an emotionally unavailable woman, and it has caused problems in all of my relationships to date. I don't intend to offer excuses for your husband, or try to give you a false sense of pity for him: I don't think that pity is what this situation requires. I offer his point of view because I legitimately want to help you, and I believe that understanding is the first step to overcoming a problem. 
He knows that he's emotionally unavailable, or at least he should. It's difficult for him too, although certainly not as hard or as confusing as it is for you. I in no way want to minimize your difficulty here. I truly hope things work out for you and your husband, and I hope that things continue to improve. The truth that I can tell you is that for him, it's difficult to express love in a healthy way. I believe that he [i]does[/i] love you, and I hope that he's aware of what his problem is - because it IS his problem. I can also tell you that he probably feels a lot of guilt for what he's putting you through, and possibly even a little bit overwhelmed, because the emotionally unavailable see any expression of love as clinginess. We're wrong, but it's difficult to make the distinction between being loved and being smothered for us. I can also tell you that it is confusing and frightening, and we don't know why we have this problem or where it comes from. I hope that he is as aware as I am that his emotional issues are what's sabotaging your relationship, and I hope that he finds a way to work through it. 
I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you, however, because I'm absolutely sure that it's harder to be the person who is being pushed away and that it must be endlessly frustrating for you. The only advice that I can possibly offer you is this: don't give up on him, and try to be patient with him. I hope your husband is as dedicated to fixing his problem as I am, and I hope that things get better for you. [/quote]

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