Reply to SAHM vs. WOHM, the cost difference is $16,500 help me decide

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Reply to "SAHM vs. WOHM, the cost difference is $16,500 help me decide"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP Here, (the earlier was not me).

I really appreciate the points.

Particularly the future loss of income from lack of experience and promotions.  As well as the "think about it from what you want" perspective rather than the is "16k worth it" persepctive.

DH makes substantially more than me, so him quitting isn't on the table.  He also loves his job.  I can see both sides of the argument in regards to childcare (ie whether it should not be counted against my salary or both of our salaries.)

I honestly don't know what I want.  Going into 
the pregnancy I swore I would keep working.  I've had some rough days at work (March is our busy season) and sometimes I see the Clarendon moms pushing strollers outside my office window and think maybe THEY have it all figured out.  Is it really work 16.5K to sit here for all these hours?  Life looks so grand pushing that bugaboo around sometimes!

However the reality is that my mom and my stepmother were both stay at home moms.  I saw them give up careers, pester their husband relentlessly, and lack personal interests.  Their marriages (both to my father) are/were complete crap and I view both individuals as completely insane.  Stepmother recently went back to work after 16 years of shopping at Nordstroms/raising my half sister and her relationship with my father has improved.  I wonder if maybe one of the mistakes they made all along was quitting and giving up the stability, income and personal life that the work place can provide.  I worry that being a SAHM is the first step into the slow decline that was those two marriages that framed my childhood.

And then we cycle back around to the age old question that pp brought up of, shouldn't I stay home and raise the kid myself?  If I don't technically "need" to work then is it selfish and detrimental to my kid to drop it off at daycare 40 hours a week?

I think the PP who suggested going back to work and quitting if I need to might be the appropriate solution.  It is my first kid.  I don't know what this will feel like.  Despite having lots of kid experience, every single person I meet waits about 2 seconds before telling me HOW THIS WILL CHANGE MY LIFE!  I HAVE NO IDEA!  So I feel like I'm dealing with this big X variable.

Thank you all for the suggestions - I look forward to discussing them with DH and feeling more confident in our decision.[/quote]

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