Reply to Husband donating sperm to lesbian couple/sister in law

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it is a lovely thing to offer.  However, Virginia is a deal breaker, I think (and I live in VA).  Have you read about the ongoing tragedy of the couple from Vermont who had a child during a civil union in Vermont, but then one mother fled to VA and decided she was a born again Christian rather than a lesbian?  Virginia courts consistently refused to recognize any rights of the mother in Vermont.  Judges move around.  [b]If your husband were not the legal father of the child, his sister may be left with no legal rights at all if they ever split up.[/b]  Could you and your DH bear the idea of his child being in the world without being able to see it and have any part in its life?  I'm dealing with a lesser tragedy -- my brother died and his widow wants nothing to do with us -- and it breaks by heart every day to know his kids are in the world but can't really be part of our family.  I'm sure your SIL thinks this could never happen, but so did the Vermont mom who hadn't seen her daughter for years.  [/quote]

This would be a deal-breaker for me, too.  Unless you are absolutely certain that his sister will get a second party adoption (and you cannot be in VA, as the state law specifically denies same gender couples any contract rights that create "marriage-like" agreements) your SIL could lose everything after your DH signs away his parental rights.  Even without a separation, VA has the right to refuse to recognize an adoption, refuse to grant medical access or decision-making ability, and refuse to recognize any legal documents relating to the child that involve your SIL.  They do not recognize out-of-state marriages and they are not guaranteed to recognize out-of-state adoptions.  In any other state I would say go for it, but VA is really bad.  At least, wait a year for DOMA to be overturned and then another year for the VA law to be ruled unconstitutional and do it then.  [/quote]

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