Reply to First grade daughter wants to cancel next week's play date

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[quote=Anonymous]I think you're doing what you can.  Talk to your DD about how she'd feel if she were the new girl.  Would she want the playdate re-scheduled if she missed because she was sick.  Short of rescheduling the playdate, there is a limit to what you can do here.  I have a similarly social, extroverted girl.  She is now in fourth grade and with maturity it is now clear that my DD has a pretty good sense of what characteristics she likes in a friend and I'm not going to be able to bend that much.  I of course insist on kindness and polite behavior and I focus my efforts there, not on making her friends with someone she's not interested in.
 
I recently have felt the need to emphasize the importance of humility.  My DD has a lot of confidence, which is great . . . .but there is a line you don't want to cross into being too full of yourself.  I think first grade may be too early to introduce this message, but you'll know when the time is right.  My DD does get annoyed with one friend who brags ALOT.  I've used that as an opportunity to remind her that she too should be humble and consious of others' feelings.  No one likes a braggart and no one is great at everything.

The truth is, you can not do the sort of social engineering you'd like to.  The girls will establish their own circles of friends very soon.  I found that in first grade everyone was a potential friend, by fourth grade--no really.  Friendships shift slightly based on classroom assignments every year, but the rough outlines of her  circles of friends are established.   Focus on kindness, good manners, respect for everyone.  Good luck.[/quote]

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