Reply to Middle Schooler obsessed with appearance and quite thin

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[quote=Anonymous]Op, I think it is great you are dealing with this head-on. Just know that some of the pressure and perfectionism may be coming from inside her as well as what she feels from outside sources. Some personalities are more prone to perfectionism and the outside stresses make that inside stress worse but the inside stress would be there anyways.

I would take this slowly, you don't want to overreact and have her drop out of everything without thinking it through, or giving her more control or decision making power than she can handle as that is stressful too. let her know that decisions will have to made all together (you, her and DH) but she gets say into those decisions). You will have to be flexible and use your best judgment to make sure you are all okay with the decision.

I am glad she was open and willing to talk to you about it. Can you plan a 1:1 time each week - maybe you and husband alternate taking her out for breakfast on Saturdays or for ice cream on Fri evening. Something where time is allocated for her. As you say the reality is that you have to allocate time slots for your other kids for therapies and while therapies aren't fun time, i tis still individualized time that you spent driving to and from and waiting together. She might be at an age where she needs more time with you. Even taking just her to do the grocery shopping or to do an errand she will go on. Just knowing you want to spend time with her might help keep the communication lines open.

An important part is just to validate to her how hard this is for her...the pressures at school, the busy schedule, the expectations, the time needed for her siblings. You don't need to apologize or find a solution but just reinforce to her that her feelings about it all are valid and that you recognize it is hard for her. [/quote]

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