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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Im the mom of one boy who had social struggles in early elementary and wasn’t super athletic. I was friendly with some other moms but in general I was taken aback and how cliquish the moms of kids in his grade seemed to be, and felt sort of left out of many things. Then in rolled my second kid with his easy confidence and his superior athleticism and the moms of kids in HIS grade were so surprisingly friendly! We were invited to everything! Everyone was so welcoming! I was added to so many group chats!

I knew better though. If my second kid had been my first kid I would have thought our school was just so welcoming and nice and then I’d have been devastated when my second kid rolled in and we were shut out of stuff in his grade. I also know those moms will drop me as soon as my kid decides he actually doesn’t want to do travel soccer anymore he wants to do the chess club. So I stay above the drama. I recommend it [/quote]

This. I went through this with just one kid. She was the "weird", small, awkward kid who was bad at sports and really limited social skills until 4th grade. She struggled to make friends and the other moms avoided me or talked to me with pity in their voices because they felt bad for us. Then in 4th, DD, who is actually an awesome kid who happened to be socially awkward, started winning every academic award the school offered and the other kids discovered she plays the piano and violin really well. Suddenly the kids liked and respected her and started inviting her to things, and the other moms got much more friendly. But my kid didn't change and neither did I. It's just the way they viewed us changed because they discovered my kid has hidden talents when they'd assumed we were all just losers.

I was never impolite and of course I encouraged my kid to accept those offers of friendship. But I also recognized it all for what it was -- shallow. People tell on themselves every single day.[/quote]

Why is it shallow? Honest question- if my kids aren’t friends with a kid at school, I don’t invite them to play dates and activities.  Just like other families don’t invite my kid to stuff.  But then kids change, become friends with different kids, etc.  So then I would invite someone to that.  [/quote]

I'm the person that the PP responded to (the one with two boys, one who struggled socially as a young kid and one who was athletic and popular as a young kid). I don't mean that my second kid was invited to more birthday parties than my first kid. Of course he was. That was not surprising, and just indicative of their different personalities, and I wouldn't have said that was cliquish. I meant like- moms and their kids would gather under one shady tree at the pool and when we walked in, despite living on the same block as these moms, I'd smile and wave and they'd pretend not to see me.  Or a few families would get together for a backyard grill on Saturday and not invite us, but invite the other families within walking distance.  And then once my younger son started elementary, suddenly the neighborhood was filled with all of these BBQs that we were invited to, and people waved us over to their shady tree at the pool, once I was bringing my younger kid and not my older one.  Some of the moms were the same women!!!  It was clearly because they wanted their kids to be friends with my second kid, and to be associated with him, but not my first.  It is the world we live in. FWIW, my first kid is going to an Ivy next year, but these particular women are not the type to be impressed by that- they're still more impressed by my second kid, who is not on track to go to an Ivy, but still is a great club soccer player and still "popular" in middle school. It says more about them than about either of my kids. [/quote]

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