Reply to Husband unemployed and not applying for jobs. How to manage my feelings?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When I was laid off, at first, I understood how your husband feels.  I took about 2 weeks off to relax from the stress of the previous job.  I had been working continuously from the time I was 18 until age 44 (4 years part-time and 22 years full time).  And the previous 7 years in one job where the last 2 years had become ultra-stressful.  After detoxing for about 2 weeks, I had had enough and began actively searching for work, but it took me another 5 months to find a job.  I did take over the household management and frankly, we ate a lot better than we had for years because I was home and able to cook  better, healthier meals that we we often ate as a 2-income household.

The way that I suggest you handle this is to sit down and explain that you are worried about his job situation and how it is affecting you and your marriage in addition to how it is affecting him.  Explain that you understand how difficult it is for him, but you need him to actively start seeking work by X date.  And by actively seeking work, that means looking for jobs, sending out resumes and going on interviews.  If he isn't getting any leads or jobs in his chosen field, then you expect him to start to broaden his job search to include jobs outside his chosen field.  If he can't do this, then he needs to consider moving out and on (rather than you moving out, he, needs to move out).  He cannot continue to live off of you.  And as long as he is not working, it will be assumed that he will take over the household management as the homemaker.  20:49 has a good start.  I would make sure that any list that you give him includes as the last line "Dealing with any other household issues as they arise".  Then tell him that you won't mention this again until X (I would give him at least 2 weeks, but you have to decide what your tolerance level is here).  And then leave him alone.  He'll have to take care of the house and family duties until he finds a job, but he cannot continue to sit around only watching TV and playing games. [/quote]

Good advice to the OP if you are hoping to bring her marriage to a prompt conclusion.  The "empathy" here is limited and perfunctory, and the list of deadlines and demands is overwhelming.  It's great that you only needed two weeks to decompress, but not everyone is wired that way.  You sound like a control freak who rubs most people you meet the wrong way.[/quote]

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