Reply to 13 yo’s neuropsych results Debrief

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Reply to "13 yo’s neuropsych results Debrief - both parents requested "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There’s obviously a lot more going on here than the request to have both parents present. I was a kid whose needs were not adequately addressed in school because of my parents’ martial and mental health issues. Both refused in their own ways to help me: one through anger and denial, [b]one through avoidance and hand wringing about the other’s potential reactions.[/b] And this was in addition to their general level of emotionally neglectful parenting, which would have affected a NT kid.

They are still married, still unhappy, still in denial about the full extent of their mental health and marital issues. Except now they are old and frail and isolated and have an extremely surface level relationship with their kids. I lost years of potential over their selfishness.

I used to hate them for it and now I am just sad for all of us. It didn’t need to be this way. [b]Find the way through that gets your kid the help they need.[/b] [/quote]

Can you, as an adult, see what was driving the “hand wringing”?

It’s not like the one functional parent had a clear good option when married to a dude and looking at divorced coparenting. That’s not good for a highly sensitive SN kids either- two houses, vastly different parenting styles, parents still arguing, one parent doing everything but from afar half the time.

But yes, get the kids adhd treated, unlike their adhd parent. And get them some talk therapy. Tutors, what they need. It’s all the functional parent to do that.

Dysfunctional parent can skip the meeting, the neuropsychologist doctor is not going to save the marriage. In fact she may create an excuse for an immediate drawn out, expensive  divorce. Untreated asd bipolar adults not treating their symptoms will just punch out. Go work and be a bachelor again. It’s easier that dealing with this. [/quote]

Yeah, look, I can’t say my mom has had a lot of great choices. That’s part of why she ended up marrying a selfish, emotionally stunted narcissist like my dad, with his various untreated mental health issues. She saw confidence and financial stability. But what a price she paid and continues to pay for living in a nice house and having nice clothes. And she repeatedly chose not to leave, including when there were no longer kids in the house, and even after those kids were financially capable of supporting her in a comfortable existence. Leaving would have been very hard and required making very hard decisions, or frankly making any decisions at all, which she struggles to do, so she has just kept plugging along and not deciding anything, yet complaining to anyone who will listen about how hard her life is because of my dad.

Parenting is hard. It requires very hard decisions. It requires putting your kid first even when it is hard. So yeah I understand what is behind the hand wringing. And I’m not trying to come after OP about it. I get it. But I am sharing an example of what happens when the tiptoeing around the difficult parent gets in the way of helping the kid. It is not benign. And kids remember whose needs were prioritized. [/quote]

Sounds like OPs kid is getting care and needs met- At least with one attentive parent doing the child’s neuropsychs every few years for school or understanding.

If you’re suggesting divorce is the way to go with u18 kids in this sort of situation, have a hard think about how that actually plays out given family law. [/quote]

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