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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My older sister was the golden child growing up- good grades, never got in trouble, etc.  She was always kinda awkward socially and a nerd, although she had a group of similar friends in HS.  For some reason her quirks have gotten more grating as she's gotten older- when we all see eachother at family gathering she's always quieter than everyone else and it's awkward.  I know some of our cousins think she is weird too.  Occasionally we do milestone sister weekends with our other sister but the last time she blew up about something and got upset and I've made excuses for any suggestions for having one again.  My other sister and I have gotten together on our own when she was out of the country and unavalable.

Well she recently got a neuropsych and they say she has Adhd, anxiety, and mild autism.  I guess it explains a lot (I doubt she really has Adhd though) but now what do I do?  She asked us not to tell our parents, I guess it would knock her off her pedestal.  Should I be making more efforts to engage and visit?  I want to tell her her DD should get an eval too because I see some of the same signs.....[/quote]

Why did she supposedly even tell you about her medical neuro tests? [/quote]

OP here- honestly it felt like she wanted attention.  Shouldn't you keep stuff like that private?[/quote]

:shock:

NO, mental health and neurodivergence should not be taboo, because that's how you perpetuate cycles of shame and guilt. You think being autistic is a stigma, which is why your reaction is that she shouldn't share. What a tragic notion! There is no stigma. A lot of very successful people have autism, because it allows them to be single-minded in their pursuits and that drive has made them successful.

Of course she wants attention from you. Why is that a bad thing? It sounds like you've always criticized her and thought her inferior. She is trying to tell you that she can't help being different, and that you should accept her for who she is! Why is this hard for you? This is a HUGE deal for her, OP: she knew she was different all along, and your family made her feel bad about it all her life. Now she has proof that it's not her fault, and she wants you to, if not apologize for past slights, at least verbalize that she's a good person and that she's been trying hard to fit in. You think she didn't make enough effort. I can tell you, as an autistic person and one with autistic relatives, that your sister has tried hard all her life.

Don't be cruel.

[/quote]

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