Reply to Still have PTSD from past emotional affair

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I hesitate to provide this as a data point but I might as well if it might bring OP some peace of mind.

I had what would be considered an “emotional affair” and speaking from experience, there’s no danger of it happening again.  Especially not if I meet someone who has a superficial resemblance to the man I was friends with.  It’s more like it would make me cringe internally if I met someone who reminded me of him.  Emotional affairs are very cringey and embarrassing.

There was a confluence of factors that made that friendship cross boundaries and it had more to do with me and my marriage.  The fact that an appealing, equally unhappy and somewhat selfish man was in my vicinity was like putting a lighter next to very flammable material.

If your marriage is in a better place (no flammable material), some random attractive woman isn’t likely to tempt your husband.  It really depends on HIM, not external factors like temptresses showing up at work.  Attractive people are everywhere and a marriage needs to be able to withstand that.[/quote]

This sort of reads like you have fully processed through everything, is your marriage better now? If so what did you do to improve it? Did you tell your husband that there was a boundary violation?[/quote]

Thank you.  Yes, the marriage is a lot better now and was definitely at its absolute nadir during the emotional affair.  In a way it was probably my brain's way of testing out an exit- can I connect with someone appealing after all this time?  Will someone appealing like me?  The answer was yes and yes.

I am not a good liar or good at keeping secrets and I told my husband everything.  Honestly, he didn't take it terribly seriously.  He thought it was like a delayed teenage crush/midlife crisis.  As long as I didn't sleep with the other guy, it really wasn't a huge deal to him.  We worked a lot on the marriage and we are both more accepting of each other now.  He did say that he had taken me for granted.  And I took him for granted too.[/quote]

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