Reply to Tired of being the bigger person, always extending the invitation, checking in etc. I want to be selfish.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For most of my life I’ve been a terrible people-pleaser, and it works! People are pleased! But it comes at the expense of my never being obtrusive, difficult, insistent, etc. I am always listening, accommodating, inviting, planning, reaching out, checking in, making sure everyone else is okay. And I’m really tired of it.

What happens if I just…stop? Has anyone else evolved in this way? I’ve just turned 40 and feel like that has something to do with this change of heart. [/quote]
I don't know what will happen if you just stop, but I think you should at least start cutting back. I was like you and kept going until I lost my shit and took it out on one of the people I pleased. I needed someone and, for the first time, asked for help. These people we cater to are takers and she had nothing to give. I wrote her a strong letter and she was blindsided. The people who rely on you and me to always carry the mental, logistical and emotional load do not have the capacity or desire to reciprocate. My life is much quieter, yet I feel higher esteem, since I abruptly stopped people pleasing. Basically, I match people's energy and effort. I'm also looking for new friends to start over and establish healthy balanced relationships.[/quote]

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