Reply to Why do kids have to put down other kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it’s because comparing and criticizing people and things is a huge part of being a human. We’re constantly assessing, sorting, deciding our preference and learning to trust our taste and judgment. About people, but also about art, music, work products, paths through the forest and everything else.

The reasons we don’t do that to the people around us are 1) we prioritize supportive cooperation because we think it works better (thanks, Locke) and 2) we don’t want to hurt the feelings of our friends or other people we respect, or at least we don’t want to look bad for having done so.

Those are two different branches of growth imo. Some kids take to the second part quickly and easily and some don’t. Sometimes kids are reaching so hard for learning to be good at soccer or whatever that everything else falls of the boat. And some of them are just bigger aholes inside, so they have more to overcome.

Either way for us as parents, if our kids are on the receiving end of a put down the important part is what we do to help THEM, not the other kid. Getting comfortable with criticism. Learning to assess and discard comments that are coming from a dubious source. Getting secure in their own goals and progress. Etc. 
[/quote]

It is a natural impulse but so is picking your nose in public. When 1st or 2nd graders are boastful and competitive, I write it off as a developmental stage.

When a middle schooler is like this, I blame the parents for failing to correct it, and likely reinforcing that it's okay by doing it themselves. Also when I hear parents say things like "oh he's just always been like this" and thinking there was nothing they can do. Of course there was something you can do. Does your 13 year old use a toilet, know how to ride a bike and read? Well then he could also learn some manners. Parents teach kids what they themselves value, some parents don't value manners or kindness.[/quote]

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