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[quote=Anonymous]My ex husband never confessed to the affair either. It made it a bit harder to re-orient my reality because I don’t know when it started, so I don’t know which memories were “real” vs his gaslighting.  After awhile, that matters less and less.

Not sure what to tell you about delaying the divorce. I wish I could tell you that the kids will be fine, but one of mine wasn’t. He was old enough to realize what his dad did (he remembered his dad’s new girlfriend as his secretary, and quickly did the math). Even then I think it could have been okay if his dad had been able to own up to it, but my older son wants nothing to do with him now even 10 years later.

Those that tell you not to involve kids in adult relationships, and to make sure the kids never learn about the affair are dead wrong and absolutely dysfunctional.  The kids always, always find out eventually.  Sometimes sooner than later, sometimes years later.  Only advice I can give you there is to make sure your kids know that no one is perfect, and that even good people make bad decisions sometimes.

Your kids are going to need to feel like they are allowed to have a relationship with him without hurting you, your job is to support that for THEM. [/quote]

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