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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Small correction she's almost 13 (just a few days away). Yes she's in private school. I've considered moving her. My wife disagrees with that plan. 
Part of the struggle is I grew up without a lot i know what its like to have less than other kids.
 However my kid has chosen to compare herself to people with levels of wealth that are well beyond normal. This seems like a recipe for unhappiness. We're trying to teach her that the "right" brands aren't the end all.[/quote]
The problem isn't going to be solved by budgeting.  Your kid's problem is that she is comparing herself to others, and wants to fit in, which is of course normal for a tween/teen.

I do think being in a pricey private school adds to this problem. Yes, this can happen at public school, too, but not as much.  Unless you live in an expensive public school cachement, one can always find kids who are not super wealthy.

My DD had somewhat of a similar problem when they were younger tween/teens.  We live in an area that has a mix of pretty wealthy families - grandparents who give them expensive name brand bags, parents who buy their kids expensive cars, etc..  DD started to compare herself to her friends and would get jealous.

We have talked to our kids since they were in ES about the importance of budgeting, and how trying to keep up with the joneses is never ending and doesn't really buy you much happiness in life.  We told them that we don't put importance on our clothes, or what cars we drive.  We put importance on experiences, like travel, and saving for the future.  We could have afforded name brand things, but we don't see value n that.

Of course, a 13 yr old can't really understand that concept, so while she outwardly said she understood, she inwardly was still very jealous and not happy that we wouldn't buy her expensive name brand anything like lululemon.

At 13, you should tell your kid that if they want spending money to do with as they please, they should get a job at 16.  We did that. Both my kids have had jobs since they were 16.   DD is now almost 18 and about to go to college. She buys her own things, but she realizes that she doesn't have enough money to buy expensive things. She has splurged once or twice, and that caused her to be broke for like 3 weeks.  So, she learned the budgeting lesson in real life. She now likes to shop at thrift or consignment stores sometimes. My oldest is almost 21, and they have bought themselves computers, phones, etc.. since they were 16 with money they saved.    Both feel a sense of accomplishment and maturity when they are able to buy things for themselves with their own money.

you need to change your kid's relationship with money, and teach her that keeping up with the joneses is not how you want to live.

If you want to keep her in that private school due to academics, then you will just have to live with her bratty behavior until she can understand (if ever) about the value of money.[/quote]

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