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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]:) Hugs :)

From 12-14 can be really challenging ages. It gets better.
I had a couple of ideas:

1- Family therapy. Everyone. All together with a new therapist, just so everyone feels it’s fair.
2- Your daughter needs to meet with a psychiatrist. It worries me the way she is talking. And, a psychiatrist can prescribe mediation and it seems like she may need that.
3- The doctor & psychiatrist need to write a list of medical disorders that can cause behavior like this. You might want to take her to an endocrinologist or autoimmune specialist. For example: Hartnup disease causes one of the B-vitamins to be very low from malabsorption, and a Pellagra & acting out can happen. Certain types of Porphyria can cause psychiatric symptoms. Make a list and have her tested, just to be sure. I have read stories of people committed & then a test gets done and they recover. That doesn’t mean your daughter has a medical disorders, but it’s worth looking into because it does happen.
4- It sounds like you don’t like your daughter. You are human, and she’s acting out, but try to stay calm. Kids can tell which parents like them or not, and if you are her Mom. Feeling unliked by your Mom hurts. (I know.) Maybe set up something once a week for a hour or two that’s fun to do together? 
5- Is there an away camp this summer that she would love to do that you can afford? This would give you both a break from each other and a chance to reset. 
Plus, if she really wants to be at the camp, she’s going to be motivated to clean her room, show up for meals, show up for activities, ect…

Hang in there OP.

[/quote]

Thank you, and to others who have offered guidance.

I think we are going to see if we can actually shift our daughter’s therapist into a family therapist role. I agree with you that I think this would be more helpful. The one on one has not been fruitful, and I feel like her siblings need support and DH and I could use support in figuring out how to navigate her challenges.

Our daughter pretty much has a phobia and complete mistrust of all healthcare providers and pretty much anyone in a position of authority. The amount of resentment she has toward us for sending her to various endocrinologists cannot be understated.

We sent her on a sleep away camp last year for 6 days and you would have thought we sent her to Siberia based on her report. She absolutely hated it and did not want us to ever send her to a sleep away camp again. It is pretty much her worst nightmare- having to deal with new people, new routines, and not having her own private space and not having me and DH cater to all her weird “princess and the pea” whims and specific conditions that she must have, and not having foods prepared specifically to her liking.

It was heaven for DH and I though, as it was the first time in 13 years that we had more than 2 days to ourselves, not having to cater to our kids very specific desires and listen to the constant complaining. We will never live it down though, she is so resentful that we sent her there. We’ll never experience that freedom again until all of the kids are adults.  She pretty made us promise that we’d never send her to asleep away camp ever again.

I mean… I think I will always love my daughter. She’s my flesh and blood. But so much has been said. This is sad to say but you’re right that I don’t think I like her anymore. I don’t think she’s a good person based on her behavior. Just so self-centered and has never shown any gratitude or compassion, and her words towards her family are caustic and abusive. I could forgive it when she was young but she’s approaching being a young adult now, and she’s fully aware of the impact of her words and actions.

I am hurting. Maybe I need to take a breath. I’ve done 3 years of therapy to deal with the challenges of raising her. And to deal with a husband who is very much like her and has only changed and matured in his 40s. And deal with my own issues.

I’m so grateful to hear from those who have been through this. It is hard. And I really appreciate the wisdom that’s been shared here. [/quote]

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