Reply to Struggling with the limbo of DH’s sort-of estrangement

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I know how you feel.  [b]DH has been estranged from his family for about seven years now[/b].  Apparently, it ended when his mother called him up out of the blue and was screaming at him and then sent a big, long kiss-off email.  He was super pissed and wanted nothing to do with his entire family after that.  I have followed his lead, but I feel like this feud could all pivot as easily as it began.

[b]I worry about getting blamed[/b] for the lack of invitations, hosting duties, birthdays cards etc. in the interim years when dropping the rope is what DH insisted on.   Women get blamed for not keeping the social ties. [/quote]
Your in-laws cut off your family 7 years ago and you’re still agonizing. Have you considered therapy? I don’t mean that in as an insult. Why do they have such power over you after all this time? That cannot be a healthy way for you to live.

My husband set very reasonable boundaries with his bsc family years ago, leading most of them to cut him off. I had resisted him doing anything for all kinds of reasons that didn’t really make sense. I finally saw how damaging they were to us and to our children. We did continue to make an effort with his father and SM to a point. And yes, they blame me! They gossip about it and lament it. At one point his father [i]called the children’s school to complain.[/i] And I just laugh, because I am the sole reason he didn’t nope out years before. Estrangements are a sad thing, but when people can’t keep themselves from trampling the most basic of boundaries, that’s where you land. I just can’t wrap my mind around worrying like that for seven years.[/quote]

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