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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sure, all of the above. But being in my 50s and seeing pretty much all my friends get married, and having the benefit to see which marriages last and which don't.....

The biggest correlation is mental health issues.  Mental health issues honestly drive almost all the things people mention in the previous posts.

Google AI says 25% of people suffer mental health issues in any year - depression, anxiety, adhd, bipolar, personality disorders, asd.  But obviously depression and anxiety are the biggest bucket, and they can come and go.  So 25% in any year, results in much higher numbers of marriages impacted over the life of the marriage.   Legit mental health issues run through probably 50% of our friends marriages (which incidentally tracks with the 25% number - assuming only one half of the couple is struggling with mental health).

I look through the recent divorces in our world, and can pinpoint: 
- ADHD/depression/bipolar as the clear reason for divorce
- severe depression 
- ASD plus sex addiction (daily prostitutes - ugh)

Those are all diagnosed. My best friend's husband has SOMETHING going on but refuses to diagnose. My guess is BPD. They'll divorce soon enough.

In short, while plenty of marriages last through the mental health issues, the divorces i know were all directly linked to mental health issues.  So while i can't answer OP's question of what makes the good relationships good, the bad ones are clearly mental health related. [/quote]
My mental health took a severe downturn when my partner consistently neglected our relationship despite my efforts to reconnect. 
My friend’s mental health suffered when her DH cheated on her. 
My mother’s mental health suffered when she shouldered 95% of all childrearing and household work.

None of this happens in a vacuum. People like to think that cheating and mental illness are inherent flaws in humans, but they are invariably a product of their environment, a main part of which is their primary relationship.[/quote]

I'm the PP you're responding to, and you're misunderstanding my point.

When someone is clinically depressed, ie the kind of depression that indeed does exist in a vacuum, where you spend years struggling to get out of bed each morning, then this will have a significant impact on your marriage, and many people understandably do not want to wait 10 years to see if their spouse is going to get out of bed and re-engage in society.  
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