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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]
Anonymous wrote:
I also have an issue with the idea of " she gave her up but I raised her. " We are loooong past this paradigm. [b]No one gives up a child because they wanted to.[/b] They had to, and there are numerous reasons. The adoptive parents aren't saviors.
[/quote]

this is patently not true.  My children's birth mom completely walked away from my 2 DCs once they were removed from her care due to neglect.  She never visited, departed for another country, and went on to have a new relationship and children.  She just quit on them.  Even though I have never spoken ill of birth mom and have tried to explain some of the factors which I think may have driven her behavior, my children's rage and pain is still incandescent.  Not writing this to support an "adoptive parent as savior" paradigm but to point out that the beatification of birth mothers is often erroneous as well.  But I would still support them if they decided they wanted to contact her, because I think there is often the belief that circling back to meet birth mom can bring some degree of closure as well as answer questions.  It often doesn't though, and can dredge up more pain, so just make sure you are being as supportive as possible and getting some adoption competent therapists to help your child (and you) navigate it.  [/quote]

It's impossible to say what was going on with her.  She may not have walked away but was told she could never get her kids back from the social workers/attorneys and gave up, not knowing what to do.  Or, there was more going on like mental health or substance abuse and she needed way more support than she was offered.  Some social workers are great and go above and beyond, some are lousy and some are incompetent or so bias that they make it impossible as they set up the kids to fail.[/quote]

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