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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]
Anonymous wrote:
I also have an issue with the idea of " she gave her up but I raised her. " We are loooong past this paradigm. [b]No one gives up a child because they wanted to.[/b] They had to, and there are numerous reasons. The adoptive parents aren't saviors.
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this is patently not true.  My children's birth mom completely walked away from my 2 DCs once they were removed from her care due to neglect.  She never visited, departed for another country, and went on to have a new relationship and children.  She just quit on them.  Even though I have never spoken ill of birth mom and have tried to explain some of the factors which I think may have driven her behavior, my children's rage and pain is still incandescent.  Not writing this to support an "adoptive parent as savior" paradigm but to point out that the beatification of birth mothers is often erroneous as well.  But I would still support them if they decided they wanted to contact her, because I think there is often the belief that circling back to meet birth mom can bring some degree of closure as well as answer questions.  It often doesn't though, and can dredge up more pain, so just make sure you are being as supportive as possible and getting some adoption competent therapists to help your child (and you) navigate it.  [/quote]

I think a situation where kids are removed from a home due to neglect is different from situations where kids are adopted at birth. I think most of the cases people on this thread are taking about is the latter. After listening to the podcast Liberty Lost, I have a different view of this type of adoption. There are many neglected children who need a loving family and I think it’s admirable that you’ve provided that for your children. But many people want to adopt at birth, often from women who desperately wanted to keep their babies. If these women don’t want to be found years later, it’s often out of shame or emotional pain. [/quote]

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