Reply to Making new friends when you're DINKS in the burbs

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just some commiseration for OP: DH and I also are mid-30s DINKs in the suburbs -- not the exurbs, but a townhouse walking distance to a Metro.  I have no friends other than current or former co-workers, and DH has only a few.  I have a long commute, we both like to exercise, and after work we need to get home to take care of the dog (compatible with exercise, but not with happy hour after work).  Add to that the fact it takes forever to get anywhere in this area after work -- either the auto traffic is terrible or the Metro is doing track work at night -- and I don't see how to make time to see anyone or pick up group hobbies.  My co-workers are friendly and we hang out occasionally, but everybody has their own commutes and schedules to deal with.  My neighbors are either elderly, or else several years ahead of us with kids.  (I also find that the more shared walls the less people want to socialize, as they're trying to create an illusion of privacy.)  I say all of this just so you know you're not alone, or crazy.

I have had some luck with meetup.com.  I haven't made any lasting friends that way, but it's a nice way to meet new people and get out of the house.
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OP here.  Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences.  I agree that weeknights are hard to socialize, but we're always free on weekends.  I did join a sports league for a year and made a few acquainces who invited me to a few group get togethers,[b] but no real friends who I would feel comfortable asking to get together for brunch on a Sunday, for instance. 
[/b]
We're not in a super close-in suburb, we're in Burke, but we're in a neighborhood where we are just not in the same demographic as the neighbors, which is why I think they are unfriendly to us. Though I really don't think that being in the suburbs is necessarily the reason why we don't have friends.  I think it's just really hard to make new social connections when you're in your 30s in a new city.  Meeting new people is easy, making acquaintances is fairly easy, but making real friendships is very difficult because everyone is so crazy busy and no one has time to make new friends.  [/quote]

The thing is, to really make friends you have to go out on a limb and invite people over even when you think the friendship isn't at that level yet.  Some one has to make the first move to move the friendship (or potential friendship) to the next level.  I keep hearing you say, "I can't invite my colleagues out for drinks, we don't have that kind o relationship", "i'm uncomfortable inviting the spots league friends over for brunch", etc. etc. etc. [b] You have to act like the friend you want to be[/b].  Fake it until you make it.

We moved to DC (NW DC) not knowing a soul 4 years ago.  Some of our closest friends now (and we now have many) are people I literally met a handful of times and then said, "heck, would you like to come over for dinner?".  And yes, it was scary and not my norm and it wasn't always reciprocated.  But sometimes it was and some awesome friendships developed.  And in some cases, I invited again and again without reciprocation (despite feeling like I was WAY out of my comfort zone).  But it worked.  [/quote]

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