Reply to I turn 40 this year and my younger self would be sad for me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I got a new lease on life when my oldest, who had had special needs since birth, went to college. I had devoted 18 years of my life to his needs. Now, despite my age, I feel less burdened. More sprightly.

Figure out what's bringing you down specifically and do something about it.

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Yo you just let go of the rope at 18?? How the heck do you do that and live your kid with special needs - typically they need longer than 18 years.  But yeah - I kinda get it.  My colleague couldn’t wait for his SN child to enter a home upon his 18th birthday- I don’t understand.  My kids SNs are minor by comparison [/quote]

PP you replied to. Let me explain. He was born with a global developmental delay and learning disabilities, and needed extensive therapies, then daily re-teaching after school (which I did), then tutoring. He also has severe ADHD, autism and low processing speed. When he was a minor, it was my job to get him to learn practical life skills and be functional enough to attend college, despite his complete apathy, and it was so stressful! Now he's away at college, I KNOW he's still not doing the stuff he should be doing (like showering every day, basic grooming, sleeping at night and not during the day, talking to people, eating something other than junk, exercising, looking for summer jobs or internships)... but at least it's not in my face. I can't do anything about it when we're not living in the same house (if I call to remind him, he just tunes me out). So these days it's only stressful when he comes home, and I see that he's still an insomniac, still does nothing all day if given the opportunity, still has no desire to socialize, and only looks for internships or summer jobs when I start cracking the whip.

If he doesn't get his career started after college, he'll be the type to live at home, terminally online, talking to no one. I exert whatever pressure I can to avoid this, but there's only so much I can do. The rest of the time, it's blissful to not have to think about it.

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