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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Are you seeking treatment for this?

Because, no, it really doesn't get any easier. Presumably your kids will do extra-curricular activities like sports or music or theater. [/quote]

This.  It might be a little better but never goes away, and you don’t have to live like this![/quote]

Social anxiety is treatable. [/quote]

OP again. I have a therapist and I guess am being "treated" for my anxiety. It's not like I can't do this stuff or let it get in the way of things I want or need to do. I'm capable of being social and talking to people. But I don't think I'm ever going to like these specific kinds of social situations and prior to having kids, only did them occasionally when I had to (wedding, funeral, occasional conference for work). Now with parenting it's all the time. I am hoping at some point it is more occasional than this? Like parties become drop off and kids navigate their own friendships and there are maybe fewer school events than our very, very social elementary school? I just want less of it, I'm not saying I can't do it.[/quote]

I just posted above about volunteering. It was a chore for me at first, too. It does get better once DCs are past middle school, but until then, you don't want to be an "outsider" parent. You want to know what's going on, you want parents to feel comfortable reaching out to you, and you should make an effort to keep yourself in the mix. A strong school community is hard to build without invested parents . . . you don't have to go to every event or get to know every family, but find a comfortable space to at least make a few connections that will keep you tuned into what is happening behind the scenes. [/quote]

Is it really so bad to be an "outsider" parent? What is happening behind the scenes at an elementary school that you need to be in the know for? A functional school will be letting parents know (via admin or the PTA) about anything truly important. You should not actually have to make connections in the school or be an "insider" in order to learn important details relevant to your child's education. It's up to the organization to be transparent. And then if people want to create friendships, they are more than welcome to.

I feel like your describing a dysfunctional school community based on cliques and info hoarding.[/quote]

I'm an outsider parent and I just watch for PTA and board meeting agendas and if I have time watch the Zoom meetings anonymously. [/quote]

This is me. Also my perception of the insider parents is that the stuff they know/share is stuff I don't actually care to know. For instance my kid has a friend whose mom is on the pta board and very "insider" and she's always telling us who the "best" teacher assignments are and trying to get our kids assigned to the same class. I dislike that approach to parenting and want no part. If being an insider means socially engineering your kids life or pulling strings for favorable treatment, no thank you. Happy to be an outsider.[/quote]

I've noticed this too! The insider parents want their kids together with other insiders, and all of them want to be the best at "treating" the teachers and becoming chummy with them. I don't care about that stuff.

I actually DO want to know who the best teachers are (although to be honest, what the insiders consider best didn't always align with what I thought) and I do want to show appreciation for all teachers, but I don't need to get involved in placements, engineering groups and friendships, and striving to be a teacher's pet. But I do read all the agendas to see what people care about, what issues the school is choosing to focus on, and big changes coming, like enrollment issues, curricular changes, and staff changes. I did volunteer a lot at school, but took "quieter" assignments where I didn't get named at PTA meetings, never chaired Commitees, etc., but I was able to see how things work at school and see the kids at school, which was all I wanted.[/quote]

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