Reply to How to handle separation from a man I’m attached to?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Oh boy, crying during a few days of separation isn’t healthy, obviously and it’s important you dig deep into the root cause, because it’s obviously more about you (and likely something historic, from childhood) than it is about your boyfriend.

You must not make any of these feelings your boyfriend’s responsibility, btw - telling him you don’t handle separation well in an effort to spend more time together isn’t fair to him. Your “anxious attachment” is YOUR responsibility to manage. It’s obvious you should be in therapy - otherwise you’ll never know if your feelings are rooted in reality or insecurity, and you and your boyfriend will both be miserable. You’ll also burn the relationship to the ground. It’s not fair to him, and it’s especially not fair to yourself.

Heck, if this anxiety was powerful enough to lead you into a loveless marriage then you need to address it before entering a serious relationship - or at least do some work on yourself. It’s very all-or-nothing, and that’s no way to live. Get some help and start focusing on yourself - look inward instead of toward your boyfriend.[/quote]
Thank you for taking time to write this. When I spoke with him, I told him that I’d prefer to know in advance when I’ll see him next time and even asked if he wants us to see each other only over the weekends. I didn’t tell him that I need to see him daily. He doesn’t have any specific schedule in mind and just invited me to come over next day, and we left it at that. I think I’d do much better in a relationship if we schedule our next date in advance, and I know when I’ll see him again. He is just more spontaneous I guess, although he made some specific plans for our trip in a week from now and in May and even mentioned where he wants to go with me in July 2027.[/quote]

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