Reply to Weaning almost 4-year-old

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[quote=Anonymous]It will be okay OP. I don’t recommend seeking therapy for your child over this (although it’s good you’re going yourself if you find it helpful). It is difficult to wind down this relationship but you will replace it with other forms of connection.

It’s okay to be sad yourself but remember our journey as parents is not exactly the same as our child’s journey. There is some overlap but we can feel sad and try not to project those feelings onto our child, and instead be there for our child’s unique experience. Focus on helping your child build up resilience and coping skills. Children are adaptable.

With this age, you can start by stretching it out and instead of immediately giving into a nursing request, tell your child something like it’s not working right now and needs some time to work again. Try to stretch it out so after daycare have a yogurt or something and then say that to stretch out to night. It’s not too much pressure and you get a chance to practice alternatives. Then go from there as the skills are built.

We settled on replacing it with reading books on the couch. My child is extremely tantrum prone either way though so I’m used to it but there was some coming to terms with it. It was somewhat hard to see that but ultimately she adjusted quickly and went from on demand to almost entirely weaned pretty quickly by stretching out, offering alternatives, and then setting the limit when it was done and letting her adjust. I personally didn’t set a day or countdown although did talk casually about how when getting older, milk goes away (providing context). I just worked on the stretching out then decided when to go for it without a lot of discussion and we improvised the alternative choice out of a few. When she really came to terms with it there was one emotional outburst but then she just kinda of accepted it.

You have to make the decision. Drawing your child into it by repeatedly discussing something that will happen not necessarily on her preferred terms (because she can’t understand) is just going to prolong or induce feelings of upset. Make the decision, and then offer support and alternatives.

I also recommend reframing the negative view of your child being depressed, traumatized etc. You are going to face a lot of difficult situations as your child gets older and widens their world more to interact with peers and other adults. It’s our job to assist our children in developing the skills they need to face difficult situations. I recommend you remind yourself that it’s a difficult transition for your child, but you will be there to help her get through it.[/quote]

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