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[quote=Anonymous]OP I think you need to be honest with yourself about whether you get some excitement out of her reactions. I have a friend who always complains about her sister getting jealous of her relationship with her other sister, yet she posts everything on FB. I make it all private and she would not. Eventually she did confess that the sister left out has said so many cruel things to her that she likes knowing it will piss her off.

Take the high road. Have empathy for your mom and understand that they may treat you far better than they treated her, but there may be something to her anger with them. Stop mentioning the visits.  When you set boundaries around talking about it do it with heart and reassure her you love her, want to be close to her and never share anything with them about her. Then stick to your boundaries. Do it with them too. Do not share info about your mother.

It can be done. I was close to my cousin and kept a relationship with her mother after they cut off. I refused to talk about one to the other. I did acknowledge to my cousin I did not like how her mother treated her. I also would defend my cousin to my aunt and then make it clear I was the wrong person to badmouth her to. I only kept the relationship with my aunt because I would see her at family events my cousin didn't attend and we had some common interests, but any attempts to gossip or badmouth were a no go.[/quote]

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