Reply to Is co parenting a woke male trap?

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Reply to "Is co parenting a woke male trap?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The logic here is wild. You divorce a man because he refuses to carry his share of the load and somehow after the divorce you’re expected to keep project-managing his life so the kids’ schedules don’t fall apart? Absolutely not.

That’s what divorce orders are for. Spell. Everything. Out. Pickup times, drop-offs, school forms, medical appointments, activity registration, communication methods, every single task that used to live in the “invisible labor” bucket. If it matters, stipulate it.

And if he doesn’t hold up his end? You don’t sigh and quietly pick up the slack so no one notices. You document it and drag his ass back to court. Judges exist for a reason.

Coparenting does not mean continuing to be your ex-husband’s unpaid executive assistant. His parenting time is his responsibility. His logistics are his problem. His failures are not yours to cushion.

Not your circus. Not your monkeys.[/quote]

I agree with you in theory but a lot of people are simply not built for that level of conflict. I've seen it in my own family. Like in terms of what people are entitled to, and what is right, you are right. But the reality is having a lawyer on speed dial, documenting every aspect of your relationship with both your children and your ex, and also regularly watching your ex fail your kids and dealing with the emotional fallout when it happens. Are you really surprised that often people just decide to let it go and do what they need to do to make sure their kids get what the need, even if it means doing things that your ex should be doing.

You can judge them for it but some people aren't fighters. And especially someone who has made the choice to leave a marriage, for their own well being and that of their kids -- a lot of times this is someone who has been looking forward to being released from conflict.

In the end the men pay for it anyway. Kids get older and figure out that their dads are lazy, selfish jerks who couldn't even take responsibility for their own relationships with their children. As the PP said, you put your kids in therapy and let them figure this out. But when you truly have someone who is just never going to grow up or take responsibility, how long are you going to fight that for? Sometimes the best thing for you is to just drop the rope and take care of you and yours, and not worry so much if it's fair or equal.

This is just the reality of having kids with someone who can't/won't be a grown up and a responsible parent.[/quote]

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