Reply to If you don't want sex, then shouldn't YOU be the one to leave and divorce?

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Reply to "If you don't want sex, then shouldn't YOU be the one to leave and divorce?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wild post.

You’re framing this like there are two equally sneaky contract violations happening:

Spouse A says, “I don’t want sex anymore.”
Spouse B says, “Cool, I’ll outsource it.”

And you’re asking why only #2 gets torched. Here’s why.

Refusing sex is about what someone does with their own body. Cheating is about what someone does with the **shared agreement** of the marriage.

[b]No one is obligated to provide sex to keep their marriage valid. Full stop.[/b] Even in a perfectly healthy, boring, middle-class, carpool-driving life. You don’t get conjugal rights because you’re annoyed.

But you are obligated not to lie and sneak around if you agreed to monogamy.

Those are not parallel actions.

Now, if one spouse decides they don’t want sex ever again? That absolutely changes the marriage. It may be devastating. It may be unfair. It may mean the relationship can’t continue.

But the honest response to a deal-breaker is:
“I can’t live like this. We need to fix this, open this, or end this.”

Not:
“I’ll quietly violate the agreement and call it integrity.”

You’re also assuming that the person who doesn’t want sex has “broken” the contract and therefore must be the one to file. That’s not how this works. People’s libidos change. Bodies change. Trauma happens. Aging happens. Hormones shift. Desire is not a lifetime guarantee baked into the vows.

Marriage isn’t a sexual service subscription.

If sex is essential to you (totally valid), then you’re the one who decides it’s a deal-breaker and you leave. That’s not punishment. That’s agency.

And the “just sex fling that doesn’t threaten the marriage” line is classic DCUM magical thinking. Affairs absolutely threaten marriages. Secrets rot things from the inside. Even if you swear you’ll never leave.

If you want an open marriage? Negotiate one.
If you want monogamy with sex? Say so.
If you’re sexually incompatible? Divorce.

But the idea that someone “owes” you sex or else they should be the one to file is just resentment dressed up as log

ic.

No one owes sex.
Everyone owes honesty.[/quote]

Yes, they are. Normal people would reject what you say in bold.[/quote]

Agree. There is something called the consummation of marriage for a reason. [/quote]

You can only consummate the marriage once.  Nothing required after that. [/quote]

Why do you consummate it? Because sex is expected in a marriage. [/quote]
Typically, yes, sex is expected in marriage. But if you are talking consummation, that happens once. So please use terminology correctly.

And "Normal" ... if 15% of people are in sexless marriages (a statistic I got from AI, no I didn't do real research, I'm not a sociologist, I just looked up the blather on the internet) it  seems pretty normal to me.

just incase you want to argue that 15% of people isn't normal, here are some normal things that involve 15% of a population (also using AI)

Physical Inactivity: A CDC report indicated that over 15% of adults in all states reported leading a sedentary lifestyle (little to no physical activity). [b]Sounds right.[/b]

Running Habits: Worldwide, about 15% of people run regularly. [b]Also sounds right.[/b]

Memory/Concentration Issues: In a 2024 report, 15% of people in the EU reported experiencing memory and concentration issues.[b] I can attest to that.[/b]

Blood Type (Rh-Negative): Approximately 15% of the human population has Rh-negative blood, a trait that is particularly common in people of European descent. [b]Wow. Normal, and coveted by the Red Cross.[/b]

Daily Smokers: In many developed nations, the smoking rate hovers around the 15%. [b]Gross, but also normal.[/b]
[/quote]

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