Reply to Rec league sport, 15 min in, kid didn’t play?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just wondering if you were on the sideline and they did 5 rotations and your child didn’t play. Every other kid had played at least 3 or 4 times (we were missing most of our players and only had 2 subs) would you say something? Rec sport, second grade. I said “my son hasn’t been in” and coach got upset. [/quote]

It sounds like you said something DURING the game, which is why the coach got upset.

Wait 24 hours until after the game to raise an issue.

Depending on the age, the child should advocate for themselves.

NEVER go over to a coach in the middle of a game to ask about playing time, no matter how right you are. [/quote]

Agree you shouldn't ask during the game, but... 24 hours? Come on, people can be adults here.

I would reach out discreetly (as in not in front of kids or other parents) to avoid making it seem confrontational or embarrassing my kid.

But I don't think there's anything wrong with asking after the game or in an email that night, provided you aren't being a jerk and genuinely just asking to understand and not being accusatory.

I would also want to check in with my kid before I spoke to the coach. This would help be gauge my kid's level of upset, if any (if my kid wasn't upset about not playing, I would be far less likely to say anything at all), and also to see if my kid knew an explanation I didn't know.

Also OP said this was 2nd grade, which IMO is too young for most kids to advocate for themselves. Some kids will be able to do that at 7/8 but it's rare, and even those that are ready may not be able to do with with a rec soccer coach, because at that age this is someone you see like twice a week -- there may not be that much rapport there.[/quote]

Yes, 24 hours. Most leagues/coaches ask for the 24-hour rule. It helps ensure issues not raised when emotions are running high. This is very common. [/quote]

If it's a league rule, fine.

If it's rec soccer and no one's emotions are running high, they are just curious and want to check to make sure nothing is wrong, I don't think it's necessary. The coach's emotions shouldn't be running high in general -- this was a 2nd grade rec soccer game. Truly one of the lowest stakes events a person could possibly be involved in. If the parent is also not angry or upset, there is no reason to wait.

If a rec league my early elementary kid was in had a rule like that, I would likely not sign them up again because it would be an indication to me that the culture of the league was way too intense.[/quote]

It's necessary. In my extensive experience, no parent who wants to talk about playing time is "just curious and want to check to make sure nothing is wrong."

Rec sports often being the worst in terms of how worked up parents can get over this stuff. It's almost like the lower the stakes, the more intense the parents. And the younger they are, the worse it is
[/quote]

I think this is a really depressing attitude.

My kid only played rec soccer in K and 1st. I assure you, if I'd approached a coach after a game because my kid hadn't played, my only concern would have been my kid's well being. I could not have cared less about "playing time" or game outcomes, the only reason my kid was enrolled in sports was to spend time with other kids and to get moving.

If we were in a league as intense as what you describe, I would probably just leave. It would have taken all the fun out of it for my kid and I certainly don't want to be spending my Saturday mornings around a bunch of people who get so worked up over 7 or 8 year olds playing soccer that there need to be strict rules for talking to coaches just to avoid things escalating. That's insanely dysfunctional.[/quote]

While I'm sure you're absolutely the perfect sports parent, any parent who harasses a coach mid-game to complain about their child's playing time is inherently problematic and probably not as calm or only concerned about their child's well-being as you seem to imagine. [/quote]

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