Reply to The parent getting sick and dying phase is stressful on friendship

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm 52 and in the thick of the phase of friends' parents getting old and dying. 
I've been through it with one of mine. 
The hardest part for me (totally selfish) is that when friends go through the 3-12 months of losing a parent to illness and death is that they disappear. 
I find that not all people do this but a good number do. They are super stressed and can barely keep up with the sick parent, job, spouse etc. 
Their bandwidth for friendship falls to the wayside. 
I get it as i went through this too.  But it is hard on friendship at this age. I keep losing friends for 3-12 months as they disappear. They cycle back but it is a lonely and weird time to be a friend. [b]Most of us are new(ish) empty nesters so we need friends more than ever. 
[/b]
Can anyone relate? Please don't tell me I'm a selfish jerk. I can say this is a hard phase without being yelled at. I was the same when I went through it. 
Middle age is hard. 
[/quote]

:roll:

Sorry but you are being completely unfair to your friends. Are you seriously comparing being a new(ish) "empty nester" to dealing with a parent's declining health and then death and all such an intense time entails?

OP, you say that you don't want to be told you are being selfish but there really is no other way to state it. Being a true friend is supporting them when they are going through hard times and, again, there is just no comparison between being an empty nester vs. a dying family member. Your need for attention and entertainment is in no way equivalent to what they are going through.

Oh, since you seem to need more guidance than the average person here are some ideas for new(ish) empty nesters:

- Step up for a new responsibility/project at work
- Join a book club
- Volunteer somewhere - anywhere - there are literally 100s of places to match with your interests
- Mentor a younger employee at work - mentor a local high school student who is looking to go into your field -- pay more attention to any younger nieces and nephews
- Foster a dog - foster a cat - make it your mission to care for the strays in your neighborhood
- Organize your home photos - take a photography class - finally scrapbook! (that one makes me laugh as we all thought we would when those children were just born)
- train for a 5k, 10k, marathon - get outside more - go hiking - join a hiking club
- oh, and here is a great idea - maybe instead of whining like a needy baby who is not getting enough attention, cook dinners on rotation for the friends you do have who are really in the middle of it right now with their families or offer to help with their kids, dogs, whatever or just stop by with two coffees for a 10 minute check in - or just give them some grace because you are being ridiculously selfish[/quote]

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