Reply to Telling people with dementia that dead people will visit them

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom told my demented father that his mother was dead when he was anxious and looking for her. She died over 50 years ago. She had to watch him re-experience his mother’s death all over again. This isn’t any better. Sometimes there is no good option.[/quote]
They haven’t tried other options. Staff is giving a very specific therapeutic lie and it isn’t working. As others have suggested, something that is more vague should be tried. It’s a red flag that staff didn’t figure this out immediately and try it. [/quote]

Yes, I do not agree that I am "micromanaging" as others have said.

Because of the upset nature of the patient, the nurses were testing the living parent for a UTI and want to change medications and add a visit to a psychiatrist. However, the staff themselves is at least partly causing this problem by telling my parent that their dead spouse will show up.

Yes, I know that dementia is the main problem. I get it. But [b]why add more confusion to a confused person's day?[/b]

I suggested they ask the staff to say one of the adult kids will show up because we are ALIVE and DO show up. But a dead person can't show up at all. Ever.

Before this the living parent never asked about the dead parent...But with the staff reminding them they "have" a spouse, the living parent was getting all upset. What is the point beyond getting the patient upset?

[/quote]
I would be pro on the uti test and ask for one regularly, those silent UTIs really ratchet up delirium. I would also see what they are suggesting for medication changes and hopefully the Psychiatrist is Alz aware. The staff is definitely making things worse, and I would address it as a training issue. If you get push back about whether staff was not doing the right thing, or are brushed off with some kind of “you just have to accept this with dementia,” I would look into a move. When our family members go into facilities our caretaking roles shift. You aren’t running around as much but your eyes and your advocacy have to stay very active.[/quote]

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