Reply to 11 year old daughter’s behavior escalating at home

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]it sounds very much like she is masking at school and then unmasking at home. I agree with PP on the evaluation.[/quote]

I feel conflicted with this. I don’t doubt that masking exists for people with autism. I worry that the concept applies to every neurodiversity absolves kids with other issues from home behaviors and removes accountability. Some kids behave better at school vs home because they know their teachers won’t stand for the behavior (whereas mom/dad give in) and they know peers might shame them. It’s not masking, it’s knowing what they can get away with whom.

My kids had difficult behaviors when they were younger both due to anxiety and  adhd, we didn’t belittle or shame them, but our kids did have to learn to self regulate and also be accountable for their actions. When anxious kid lost their cool and threw things around the room, once they were calm they had to pick everything up before anything else can happen. Lots of “I love you and you’re safe and you have to clean up this mess” A parent I know just says “poor baby, she/he’s over stimulated” and the parents clean it up.

My kids got older and developed coping skills, and are doing great now. The early years were hard as hell, but putting the time and work and consistency into parenting them is important no matter the need. If it’s masking, sure you need to adjust to that. But please don’t use it as a scapegoat for your kids to lose their cool at home and have no accountability for how they’re acting. [/quote]

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