Reply to How to talk to DH about my feelings?

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[quote=Anonymous]Do you work the same number of hours? Do you have the same commutes? Basically are you both away from the home for the same amount of time.

Your first couple sentences are a little telling. You want to be able to tell him about all his flaws but you also will get upset if he responds in kind. It is only to be one direction. You tell him everything he does wrong and he just keeps quiet? Why if you feel you shouldn't have to suppress how you feel - are you then expecting him to suppress how he feels?

This sounds like two issues - one is communication and one is resentment over what feels like an unequal division of labor.

How much free or relaxing time do each of you have? Sitting around on your phone / tablet / laptop / TV / video games or going to the gym or meeting up with friends or doing puzzles or etc. How much time do each of you spend that is for you?

Your kids are older - are they as independent as they could be? Is there a disagreement about how much needs to be done as he feels you do everything for them and they should be doing some of that themselves? Does he agree that the tasks you are doing that are overburdening you need to be done?

You need to have a conversation that isn't you pointing out his flaws or telling him what to do or telling him where he is wrong. No one responds well to that. You need instead to have a discussion where both people get to talk about how they feel and what they are struggling with and where they are aligned and not aligned - and if you can't then get a neutral third party like a counsellor to faciliate that.[/quote]

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