Reply to Menodivorce. It's a thing, apparently.

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Menodivorce. It's a thing, apparently."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This should surprise no one who understands biology and also that many men do not understnad biology.[/quote]

This is a little unfair to men, in that I don’t think anyone fully understands just how much hormones play a major role in relationships.  Yes, one can be expected to anticipate declines in libido and other physical changes associated with variations in hormone levels.  But I don’t think anyone can really be charged with expecting that such changes can lead to “I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore” notwithstanding even a reasonably good relationship prior to menopause, which seems to happen at least in some cases. Nobody’s expecting *that*.  [/quote]

Well, if men spent any time reading about relationships or menopause, they would figure this out pretty quick. There are a million and one hits on google they could find with women talking about being “done” at age 50. They are actually probably being willfully blind if they are not seeing this. I’m not saying that they should expect divorce but they should be prepared for a potential change in attitude.

I’m the person who said I won’t divorce my ADHD husband, and I think we are navigating this pretty well. But that is likely because I’m incredibly frank. My executive functioning is not as good as it was. So I joke around and say “oh no, now that my executive functioning sucks, what are we going to do?” I’ve told him he has to cut me slack on this and he does. Just like I’ve cut him some slack for 20 years. He is doing more of the physical labor with our disabled child, because it is much more difficult for me now that she is a teen. Im doing all the homework support with our non-disabled child (or at least less disabled she has ADHD and incredible slow processing), which is a part time job for me.

We both understand that we are both doing the best we can. But not all couples can give each other the benefit of the doubt most of the time. I actually read a research study that showed that long time married couples seem to default to assuming the best of intents to the spouse. We strive for this and (generally) achieve it.[/quote]

Well, from the man’s perspective, when you read about women who are done with their useless man-child husbands at age 50—and you are not yourself a man-child husband and you pull your weight in the marriage and then some—you’re not really on notice that she might just be “done” with you anyway from reading that sort of article. [/quote]

I think that's why the post said "many" not all.[/quote]

I was merely responding to PP’s point where she said “no one who knows anything about biology should be surprised” when a menopausal woman is “done” with her otherwise-decent husband and to another PP’s point that even a good husband should be aware of the risk that his wife might just be “done” with him based on reading about 50-something walk-away wives or whatever. On that latter point, this can come as a surprise to decent guys because most of the writing on the point, as in this thread, talks about women getting rightfully sick of their slacker or ADHD husbands or whatever.  Rightly or wrongly, most men believe that a history of loyalty and holding up their end of the bargain matters and are surprised to learn that, at least in some cases, hormonal changes make all that past irrelevant. Nobody’s fault when it does, of course, biology is what it is, but it does come as an unpleasant surprise in a lot of cases I think. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics