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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Before considering the option of quitting, why not decide to act more empowered. You will have to know your own mind. Previously, you had the luxury of not thinking about it much. Want to arrive at another time? Do it. Independently meet them, where you want, when you want, to do what you want. State it ahead of time, well-planned, so you're not inconveniencing anyone. Just act. No convincing anyone needed, of why your plans are different this time. If you talk too much, it'll result in drama.

You don't break from a leader without good reason. You have thought about it, know what you want to be different, and respectfully act on it.[/quote]

This is what I would do. In fact I have done this before.

One thing I've learned is that this is when you discover whether the "take charge" friend is actually just trying to ensure the trip happens by taking on the planning, or if she's a control freak who likes dictating everything. Because when you start saying stuff like "ok sounds awesome but since I have that work conflict, I will be flying in on Friday instead of Thursday. I'll just book my own room and plan on meeting you guys at the restaurant on Friday night!" sometimes you get hard pushback because the Type A friend cannot handle the idea of anyone deviating from script. She'll get annoyed and resentful even though you are booking your own travel and not increasing the burden on her at all. She wants everyone doing the same thing -- her thing.

Other times people are totally fine with this and it even spurs others to be a bit more independent, and it can lessen the load on the planner friend because instead of being responsible for planning everything, it's more about figuring out dates that work and then maybe making a reservation or two, but people are mostly handling their own arrangements beyond that, pairing up to share hotels on their own if that's what they want, making plans for side trips that only appeal to their interests, etc. If people are mature and independent, this can actually work way better than a super planned, cohesive trip where one person books everything and arranges the schedule. Especially as you get holder and people just have different needs and agendas.

If she freaks out, then you know -- it's more about controlling people and playing the martyr. Otherwise, she might actually be glad to see you taking initiative and maybe the planning duties will get spread around a bit more.[/quote]

I'm a "take charge" friend who posted upthread that I do it because otherwise the trip will never happen and/or we'll miss out on the best lodging and reservations if it's too last minute.  I'm absolutely fine with people coming and going as they see fit, skipping certain outings, or arranging their own! I want have fun and I want you to have fun, too. But if you (general you) don't speak up and are just begrudgingly going along with everything I plan while silently stewing about it and resenting me, I have no way of knowing that.[/quote]

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