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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There are so many threads about conflict between parents and their adult children.  Many posters write that their own parents made mistakes, but they have been able to overlook them or move past them.  Parents are only human, after all.

My question is this:  what kinds of mistakes are people just moving past, or writing off as not a big deal?  Does anyone have any examples?  For example, my mom had a very hard time maintaining relationships with our extended family.  She's just a generally unpleasant and self-important person.  I don't think I could ever forgive her for the numerous family estrangements that she caused.  Are other people forgiving these kinds of things, or is it more minor (ie my mom didn't let me sign up for after-school activities)?[/quote]
My mom had a lot of family estrangements.  She's also never been able to maintain a friendship, with most friends lasting just a couple of years before she explodes in drama and anger about something they did or some perceived slight.  I've been subject to those same explosions and accusations, including 100% made up stuff that never happened. I think she has delusions. I've concluded that this is her issue, not mine.  I have lots of friends and healthy relationships.

I'm not distancing myself from my mom because of stuff she did decades ago, but because I can't manage to have a normal relationship with her now.  My view is informed by the past, but if she was medicated or sought therapy and was more stable, I would drop some boundaries.  But I can't live life with drama hanging over my head at all times.[/quote]

I'm really sorry and feel for you.

They do damage the ability to be able to have healthy relationships because you start every one with an open heart and then when the first moment of distrust drops, you have the instant instinct to flee or reject the friendship.

And then on the flip side, with romantic relationships, you have it ingrained in you to accept that they're all abusive or whatever it is.[/quote]

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