Reply to Spouse told me I’m the reason they’re depressed

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My spouse started going to therapy to deal with some traumatic experiences and ptsd for a few months. It seemed to be helping with depressive episodes, but in a mundane disagreement about household renovations, that stopped and told me that I’m the reason they’ve been depressed for years, and all of it is unrelated to ptsd. This was followed by minutes of them telling me how I’m a bully, they walk on egg shells around me, and life in fear that I’m going to be mad. Then says that the rest of the family is always happier when I’m not around.

I’m blindsided by this relevation and feel like an absolutely horrible and unwanted person.

I’ve been hiding my tears all weekend. Meanwhile my spouse has been cheerful and now tells me they can’t live without me, complimenting my appearance and wants nothing more than to make it work.

Maybe I’m feeling overly emotional right now but this feels a little abusive. 
 [/quote]
Ok. Stop right there

(A) in a “mundane” argument or team discussion on home Renovations, NO ONE should suddenly zoom out and talk about mental issues. That’s escalation and toxic. And shuts down the actual topic (home renovation detail decision to make). 
Lemme guess, no discussion or resolution came of of the topic. 
Lemme guess who brought up the topic as a decision was needed, mundane or not.

(B) a good therapist would take this incident and hear each sides story separately and see what’s and who’s derailing things. 
They’d back the truck up, and start from before the topic was broached, why it was broached, brought it up, were people informed or ignorant, were people adding to the convo or tagging along, who first Criticized something and why, what happened next, did anyone try to get back to the task in hand, how did it end, is this a communication pattern?

(C) which one of you has an issue with “mundane” decisions or conversations? That’s half of life and half of running a household. Doing a home Reno isn’t for the faint of heart either. It’s not fair to check out, dump on the other person, ridicule who’s doing the work or staying on top of things, or push off decisions. 
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