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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My 16 year old son is a bit like this.  Historically he has a lot of one on one friendships but doesn't have a steady group.  One plus is the groups can end up being a lot of drama where one on one friendships are typically a bit healthier.  His one on one friendships got strong enough in high school that he is actually pretty busy socially.  Now goes out with a lot of different people and does groups of 3 or 4 outings and it's not always the exact same kids.  This took time...most of his freshman year really.  The only time it's really an issue for him is things like homecoming.  He usually just goes with one other person and it's fine but I think he wishes he had the classic group of tried and true 8 or whatever in that situation.

A couple suggestions:

-He can more proactively ask to be invited into one of the groups or think about how to be invited into one of these groups.  I would suggest this to him.  He might say no and that would be weird, etc.  And you'd have to trust his instincts. [b] If he's not organically being invited into one of the groups over time, that is probably a sign someone in the group is actively blocking his participation.  [/b]Because teens can be like that.  But it's worth poking around at this very gently and helping him brainstorm if he is open to it.  Is there something at school where he can organically get to know others in the group beyond his one friend, etc.

And then I agree a key is activities.  Reality is there are groups in activities too.  Not everyone is doing everything all together.  But it's regular exposure to different kids.[/quote]

I could see boys being oblivious to him not being added; girls much more a classic being blocket[/quote]

It might be more that he’s friends with one athletic kid but doesn’t relate to the athletic side so doesn’t fit in with a group of athletic kids. Same with band kids, same with debate, etc.

If he’s the kind of kid parents love, he might have a hard time relating to kids. For example let’s say a group of kids make a bad decision, does he understand why? Most kids do make bad decisions whether it’s throwing a ball indoors or quitting an activity over a significant other. If he can’t relate to kids it will be hard to make friend groups. Friend groups usually involve making bad decisions together, even if it’s as dumb as having caffeine before bed.

All that said, does he want a friend group or is that a parent want?[/quote]

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