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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You def need to keep things light with her.  What is the subject of the weekly calls?  My mom always wanted to be so intense with what she talked about: controversial social issues, politics, major health problems (real or imagined).  It was too much.  Now I call 2-3 times a month, let her vent about what she wants but don't react or ask any follow-up questions, and this has helped a lot.  After about 10 or 15 minutes, she gets bored with me and says she has to go.  I can tell she is frustrated and wants more contact, but this is what I can handle for my own sanity.  Could this work for you?[/quote]

This is classic grey rock.  You just give almost nothing and no reaction and don't provide personal details about yourself or your family.  OP, you could try this and see how it works and then decide whether you need to just have the boundary of going low contact.[/quote]

Op here. Thanks, PPs. I have tried this and it goes very very badly. She know about it or knows I’m creating distance and gets incredibly angry. I think it is easier in person because we can talk about the food or some other small talk thing where she won’t notice that I’m not sharing anything.

It is also challenging to do the slow fade with calls because she and my dad live together. Sometimes my dad understands and other times he tries to get us to talk, which again, goes south. [/quote]

If this is the case you need to just go no contact.  Try to talk to your dad first and tell him  you'll be back, and you love him immensely, and then tell both of them that things are very stressful in your life and you're going to be funnelling all your energy into your immediate work and family and issues and that's all you want to say about it.  And then go no contact, for at least 3 months.  Then re-evaluate after 3 months but really, try to keep it going for 6 months.  Are you seeing a therapist yourself?  If not, and you can, do.  Have some support through this, someone who can help you with things to do and say if she insists on trying to break your no contact boundary.  If you can't do a therapist, then look online, maybe look up how to deal with narcissists even if you don't think  your mom is one.  A lot of what you've said soudns like one, and the advice on how to go no contact with a narcissist may be very helpful.[/quote]

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