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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm in my late 30s, single (dating in search of a long-term partner), and living in a medium cost of living city. I'm a first-generation grad and finally got a decent paying job (double the starting salary of my current role). My family and friends have been nothing but supportive of my career, as I've had a lot of setbacks (chronic medical issues and job loss twice in 3 years). I'm finally happy to get back on track, but unfortunately, I have debt (student loans, credit cards, etc.). I will be comfortable, but I plan on saving and paying down as much debt as possible. My oldest sibling is a single parent of 3, and the dad is not in the picture. She expects me to give her a "financial gift." Last year, I did tell her that I would pay for her oldest's SAT or ACT prep course. That's it. Also, my mom gifted me a laptop this year and said that it was my birthday and Christmas gift (which I'm 100% okay with). She let me know that she wants her money back. I explained to her that the laptop was a gift and typically gifts are not paid back. She makes more than I do currently but less than what I will make in my new role. I definitely do not want to be stingy or selfish, but I am not in a place to reach my financial goals and give money to people.

I want to put my foot down now and set the expectations and boundaries that I will not and cannot be their support system. Suggestions?[/quote]

Gift your mom the laptop money + a small gift back.  Call it what it is - return of the laptop money, Christmas gift, birthday gift.  Let her know that going forward you only will participate in a family Secret Santa with fixed price point.

Give what you promised your sister...but not more.

Also, looking at your family's financial situation, you may start putting away a small sum of money for your sister and mother each month, so if you are asked to give for a specific dire emergency  you can do so. Don't tell them about this.

Live like a starving artist and pay off your debts. This means that you live with room-mates, cook all your meals yourself and buy work clothes from thrift stores.

Let them know that you are trying to dig yourself out of debt.  
[/quote]

The only time they will stop asking you for money is when your standard of living and conspicuous consumption is less than them.  Point out to them each time they spend on anything other than basics.  And do not take any gifts or hand-me-downs from them.

I am adding this because you identified as AA.  I am a minority too and for various reasons in my community too, the person doing well is supposed to bankroll the family.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with that because you can really elevate your family out of poverty and bad decisions through economic help.  However, you really need to be hyper-focussed on making sure that you are also solvent, debt-free and can withstand job losses etc.

Also, you want to help your family become financially self-reliant.  So paying for long-term goals education, skills acquisition, safe housing, better health etc is great.

( For someone like your sister - I would pay her to have her tubes tied. She sounds like a hot mess. )  [/quote]

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