Reply to Need help for a teen who complains but doesn’t help around the house

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How old is the teen? 
I have a 13yo that doesnt do any cooking, she will help if I give specific tasks. I usually assign the dishes to her to do after dinner. 
Maybe assign your teen dinner once a week? 
I’d tell them no more complaining about clutter. Their room is their room but by rest of the house is shared and it’s nof up to them to decide how it looks. [/quote]

This is a good idea. Teen is a senior in high school so it’s a stressful time I’ll admit. And the ECs are a lot, but crucial right now for college stuff. But I like the idea of dinner on them once a week.[/quote]

I did not ask my busy high schoolers for regular help, but they were not allowed to complain about the state of the house or the meals - and indeed, they're nice kids who are not given to complaining. Their job was, and is, to study hard, do well in school and extra-curriculars, and pitch in for the household only when I can't do it all. When they were in middle school, both kids got the dusting/vacuuming/mopping done on the weekends while I ran around doing other work. My college kid has had no problems cooking and cleaning for himself in his studio apartment, despite not having done many chores in high school. It's not something that needs to be practiced much, contrary to DCUM belief.

So if you want to prioritize your child's academics and college profile, that's fine. But address the complaining attitude and tell him that's not acceptable at all. You're already doing so much! You're a great parent, OP. I'm telling you, so you don't feel down when your kid implies otherwise ;-)

[/quote]

Don’t you feel like telling your kids their job is studying/EC sets them up to believe that is *they* are the busiest people in the house? My husband had this growing up and he basically feels everything besides work is optional. It was fine in college and even grad school because guess what you actually have a lot of time during those periods and often access to a dining room and you only have to keep one room passably clean. But being an adult and especially a working parent is waaaay busier than being a high school student. I am planning to send a different message to my own kids.[/quote]

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