Reply to The advice to call out one-uppers or competitive 'friends'

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Reply to "The advice to call out one-uppers or competitive 'friends'"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have also seen friends in a group complain about this (not from me).  I do sometimes think some people are very sensitive and the person who is supposedly one-upping them actually isn't.  It's kind of complex sometimes, not always clear cut.[/quote]

To add:  sometimes the person is just trying to relate and the "receiver" views it as one upping.  For ex:  Person A is telling a story about something that happened at a local beach and then person B relates a similar story about something that happened to them at a beach in Tahiti.  Intent is not to one up locale but to share in similar story.  Person A views it as one upping, Person B thinks they're sharing stories about what happened on the beach.[/quote]

I actually think even if the person is not intentionally one-upping, that's still one-upping.

Part of friendship and being a good conversationalist means understanding that sometimes you cede the focus to another person. If your approach to conversations is to always try to relate a story from your own life that feels similar to what someone else is saying (note that the degree to which it is similar may be subjective) that is a weak conversation strategy. Someone like this should learn to listen without always turning the conversation to their own experience. Learn to ask questions or comment directly on the other person's experience.

If this is how you relate to people, it actually still does reflect a kind of self-centeredness and inability to think of others instead of just yourself. Especially if it's every single time.[/quote]

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