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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think being estranged for the reasons you describe is dumb and overdramatic and that there are a lot of therapists out there convincing people to break ties with loved ones over feelings that at the end of the day are really invalid and don't merit such dramatic action.

Really? You're going to stop talking to parents because you thought they were "emotionally unavailable?" And you think you're the mature one? What idiot therapist suggested you do that?

Now, I'm going on your word here that there was no actual abuse. That's a different story. But, my GOD, the navel gazing with some young people today. Because, yes, what you're describing is an inevitable paradox of being so self-centered. "Boohoo, you didn't validate my feelings enough when I was a child so I'm to call you on it and if you don't fulfill your role in my little fantasy to my satisfaction even if it hurts your own feelings, I'm going to cut you off."

Talk about emotional manipulation.[/quote]

Having emotionally unavailable parents itself is very very painful, you don't know because you never experienced it.  It is like drowning and crying for your parents to give you a hand and pull you up, but they watch you and sat there in silence.  [/quote]

Or, you're like an endless vat of need and no amount of validation would ever be enough. You're still acting like this as an adult.

Yes, they have their own emotions and needs. It's almost like you've just realized this for the first time.

"Emotionally unavailable." That's usually a defense mechanism when someone is an emotional vampire. The petulance of estrangement for this is beyond the pale. Get help for your own defects and stop blaming others.[/quote]

OP here, I think you have some valid points, I can see that some children are emotionally needy.  But you need to know there valid situations where the parents are horrible parents that lack the emotional capacity to love their children or anyone.  [/quote]

Is it capacity to love or capacity to love how you wanted to be loved? I don't think it's the same. My parents were neglectful in some ways, but I also know they love me. To me loving my children = not being neglectful in any way (probably to a fault, I do too much!) as a reaction to that. But I acknowledge my parents love me very much and thought how they acted was fine and normal even though it wasn't. The most I have gotten from them has been a (not prompted by me) small admission of regret over one of those neglectful instances, which funnily enough did not register as being a big one to me.[/quote]

small admission of regret over one of those neglectful instances? - that is huge.  If my parents did that, I would be over the moon and love them so much more.  Now imagine if you did prompt them to on a specific instance  (or in general), their face turned immediately and become unrecognizable and just stormed out, and chose NC with you over this? or gave a long speech about how none of what you said is true, that you must have dreamed of it and are now using a dream to viciously attack them?  Oh, you think your parents would never?  LOL, I thought so too, and then they blew my mind, it's like they are totally different people that I thought they were, who are they?!  Almost feel like they have been possessed by some evil spirit the moment you said the slightly thing that made them appear less perfect of parents they want their church friends to view them as.  Consider yourself super lucky.  - OP[/quote]

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