Reply to Who do I tell about this during divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP and here’s a dumb question but humor me: what are any of these people going to do with this information? It’s my understanding that basically any outcome for custody will be 50/50. I want to take some kind of action to protect DC but it doesn’t seem like there is a way to do so. I don’t think I can ask STBX to take a parenting class. Isn’t that something a judge would decide and only if we went to trial? And how would an attorney leverage any of this? Unless we were in court it seems like my STBX’s attorney would just brush any of this off as irrelevant.

Sorry for the rambling thoughts. My budget is tight so I always try to figure out what my specific asks should be to my attorney before I talk to them.[/quote]

I’m making some assumptions here: it sounds like you would prefer not to incur the costs of trial, correct? Unfortunately, there is really no way to get these issues in front of a judge without going to trial. That’s where the leverage is: “if you don’t accept this settlement, we will tell the court about your road rage.”

Has your ex asked for more parenting time?

Your ex will then assess 1) how compelling that argument and evidence really is in terms and 2) if he really thinks you are willing/able to put $75,000+ and the 85% custody you currently have on the table to go to trial.

My recommendations are to find a therapist to help you identify/accept what you can/can’t control and what appropriate boundaries are with your ex and your child, and then document everything else in the event you do go to trial.

Before you talk to your attorney, identify what you want in this situation: full custody with supervised visitation? The status quo? Then ask your attorney what you need to prove to accomplish that. Specifically, what kind of evidence do you need: what is the threshold for abuse in your jurisdiction? What are possible allegations/defenses to anticipate from your ex? What are the outcomes your attorney typically sees in your jurisdiction in these circumstances? What are projected expenses to accomplish this?

And then you ask about alternatives, and decide if you can live with those alternatives.[/quote]

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