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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The people who are now grandparents are the last of a chain of people where there was a social expectation of women to do all of the work. They largely put in the effort with their parents and in laws but cannot expect the same back from their children/children in law. So they’re aggrieved and (the ones who are estranged) aren’t finding ways to deal with it. Grandparents who are smart about this are using their money and time so that *no one* does the work. I have a ton of friends traveling to all-inclusives or cruises this holiday as treats from their parents or in laws. Special memories and no clean up.[/quote] This. My parents have no idea how a holiday gathering that did not involve them descending on our home with the expectation of elaborate dinners nor demand us to travel to my godforsaken boring-as-hell-and-hard-to-reach hometown in an expensive suburb without any hotels within 20 minutes would have helped our relationship with them-- tremendously. I watched my mother lose her sh*t every Christmas for years trying to please her parents, driving in traffic to her hometown in a major city, all because she had no idea what else to do nor had the strength to say no, we're taking the kids on a trip for once, see you for New Years. No DH and I refuse to no longer play ball not only because my parents are miserable and confrontational (FOX blaring in the background and political sniping at us because we're supposedly closet Commies according to them-- we want better memories for ourselves and our kids. We're about 90% estranged at this point. [/quote]
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