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[quote=Anonymous]My take on this as someone who walked on eggshells for a year and then had enough: this dynamic isn’t sustainable. It’s always impossible to tell who’s in the right because we’re only getting your side of the story. But the truth is probably in the middle. You may have had some overly involved expectations around the holidays (which many of us do), and your DH is probably overly grumpy and obstinate. And yes this area is kind of insufferable.

But so what? Unless he’s coming up with a constructive solution to that problem, he doesn’t get to live here and just take it out on everyone around him. Men are given such a wide berth when it comes to their behavior that when you start adjusting yourself on the daily to accommodate them, it rarely works. In fact, I would predict that the more you try to “take off plate“ and shield him from responsibilities, the worse he will get.

In marriages that can be saved, everybody has to come to the middle. You probably have to give him a pass on some of the parts of life that he finds annoying, but he’s gotta suck it the hell up and show up as an adult and a husband and a father. This will require you to have a little bit more of a backbone than it sounds like you are comfortable with from your posts, and have some expectations of him, and hold him to them. Everybody responds to expectations if they are reasonably emotionally healthy. People who just turn off are not salvageable. But we are all like this: kids, adults, etc.

So he might get a pass on skipping your work party, but he can’t glower in the corner when your family comes over for eggnog. He needs to get up, make some conversation, and refill some glasses. This is how you guys survive.[/quote]

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