Reply to Advice for how to vet your DH’s potential as a future father/partner?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP you married wrong. 
[/quote]

OP here and well yeah, no kidding. But I’m trying to understand how others could avoid this and what advice I might  give to DD one day.[/quote]

The advice I would give is that your partner will never have more strengths or grow to be more amazing than at the point when you marry them.  Everyone is likely to discover more flaws as they go along.  So the foundation must be solid with no doubts going into the marriage.

I really don't think you can draw firm conclusions from family of origin issues.  Many people reject their parents' values and try to model the exact opposite.

Thinking across 35+ years of marriage, the one thing that bothers me now that I could have learned from is that my husband is not handy and his father felt that way about him too.  I am handy and so are my in-laws.  Due to the work of running a household, this actually has become a huge issue.  All the positives I saw are still there.

Speaking honestly, there are things one could have learned about my family that might have given a DH pause.  But I was still a catch.

I think later marriage and shared agreements about kid timing can help.  Neither me nor my husband can say that we didn't do what we wanted with our lives and careers because of anything related to spouse or family.  There are issues but none related to one person clipping another's wings.

I, the DW, also take more after my father for good and bad, so predicting I would "become my mother" would have been faulty analysis at the young age when we met (college).

I think children of divorce draw their own highly personal conclusions and parents cannot totally influence what the kids conclude.[/quote]

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