Reply to Advice for how to vet your DH’s potential as a future father/partner?

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[quote=Anonymous]I think you are trying to overlay control on a situation where we have much less control than we think. You do not know what the future holds, and how people change. In our dating years, my DH was great when I was sick, he took care of me. Not so much now that we are married. Just one example. Life has done a number on him, changing many things about his personality that I thought were core. People change in unpredictable ways.

As I’ve been thinking about this myself, the one thing that I keep coming back to, and that I worried a little bit about at the time, is that he’d never experienced any true challenges in life. He was born on third base, so to speak. I, on the other hand, had experienced many challenges. I do think that because he had led such a charmed life, he wasn’t prepared for challenges that we faced when they did come up. It’s like he was a fish out of water, thinking these things don’t happen to me and exhibiting sheer confusion when they did, whereas I almost expected them. However, I don’t think it would’ve been a good strategy for me to have gone looking for someone who had experienced deep trauma in their childhood or young adult years either.

You do the best you can and hope for the best. [/quote]

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