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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The way we figured this out was from a tip an educational consultant shared with us- by looking at the school's student and family handbook. It was interesting to see which schools actually define discipline and which ones use wording like "case by case basis" and "may result in...". When it's not defined and the school uses wishy washy words like "may result in" it creates students that lack respect for each other, faculty/ staff and the facilities. Of course, talk to as many parents in the grade you're applying into for your child. Each grade of students brings it own set of personalities with some grades being kinder than others.  Your child will learn a lot from the school visit too.[/quote]

I like the idea of using school documents like the handbook to identify which schools tolerate bullying and a-hole behavior, but it is much easier said than done.  In our experience the worst schools have the most stringent "zero tolerance" type of policies, because those policies are weaponized by the toxic kids and parents against the kids they are bullying.  The preferred kids will engage in behaviors all day long that are clearly against the code or handbook (racial slurs, pornography, threats against other kids, to name a few), but the kids and parents treat it as a big joke and the school looks the other way.  But then a new student, an outsider, an awkward kid, somebody trying to fit in, perhaps trying to fight back against the bullies, says or does something that is supposedly "forbidden," the school comes down like a ton of bricks, and the bully parents act offended ("we can't have this at OUR school").  I have seen this movie a hundred times, and a parent like OP and her kids who are worried about finding the "nice kids" is a perfect mark for the bully kids and parents at private schools.  OP, please do yourself and your DC a favor and go to public - you can thank me later!  [/quote]

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