Reply to Oprah podcast on estranged families

Forum Index » Entertainment and Pop Culture

Reply to "Oprah podcast on estranged families"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Interesting to hear that 1/3 of Americans experience estrangement. It’s not widely discussed—or hadn’t been until recently.[/quote]

I believe it if you include adult siblings. My dad is from a larger family (second youngest of 6 kids, one of his brothers died relatively young in an accident unmarried and no kids but the rest are still alive and very healthy in their 60s/70s), and my dad and 2 of his siblings are estranged from a brother, with another brother remaining fairly neutral throughout. This has been going on for around 20 years now. [/quote]

I think estrangement has been around longer and been more common than people today seem to understand. I have a grandmother who didn't speak to her sister for like 30 years. My dad went over a decade without speaking to one of his brothers. My husband has an uncle he was unaware of until he died, because he was estranged from his entire family for most of his life (uncle was gay, this explains that estrangement and also is very common for gay people prior to like 2000 because so many families had zero tolerance for homosexuality at that time).

So much of the estrangement today is part of generational patterns, not some hot new trend therapists or tik tokers invented. I think expectations of familial closeness even into adulthood have increased in recent decades, making estrangement feel more upsetting than it once was. Also the fact that thanks to technology, it's possible for people anywhere to be in touch with their family no matter how far the distance, creates an expectation that they WILL be in touch with their families. And also that that contact will be affectionate and have a certain quality. But think of all the people who moved or immigrated in the 20th century and literally never saw their families again as a result. Some of them may have maintained affectionate relationship via mail, but many didn't. Perhaps sometimes they stayed in contact but it was perfunctory -- here is what is happening in my life, here is a photo of my family. There were grandparents who never met their grandchildren. Siblings who never saw each other again after the war or after one of them moved away.

Also, perhaps this distance made it easier for people to maintain affectionate feelings for family. If you barely see them and only communicate via letter... this is like a natural form of detachment because you literally never speak directly to each other. Easier to stick to safe subjects, avoid engaging with annoying comments, and not get drawn into personal drama when you are responding to one another via letters that take weeks or months to get there. Even when it was just the telephone -- long distance calls cost money, the connection wasn't always great, and people likely kept it cordial more easily because who could afford the drama?

It's funny how we never talk about the downsides to families of the high level of connectivity in the modern world but they are there. People will talk about the downsides of being tethered to work via your phone all the time, even on weekends and vacations. Well, that is true for family too. There are times when I wish my mother was not capable of reaching me by phone literally anywhere, anytime, for any reason. It would sometimes be better if she had to leave a message on my home answering machine, or send me a letter that forced her to consider and articulate what she wanted to say, and then I could get back to her when I was ready.[/quote]

Agree with all this, especially the points on distance and lack of connectivity, especially in big families. My grandmother had my mom as a teenager, and my mom left home around age 20 and they never lived close to each other ever again, but I bet there would be lots of drama if those two were more connected.
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics